Parents Talk: "The Talk"

Welcome to Woonsocket Patch's weekly opinion column, Parents Talk!

We invite you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for families right here in Woonsocket.

Each week in Parents Talk, our council of smart local parents take your questions, give advice and share solutions. Share your opinions and tips in the comments below.

This week, our council addresses the topic of "The Talk." How old should a child be before you talk about "the birds and the bees?" Have you had "the talk" with your children and if not, how do you plan to broach the subject? Or, do you hope to avoid the awkward conversation with the help of health education at school?

, (mother of three)

I never really had "the talk" with my oldest son, not in the formal sense anyhow. If my memory is correct, I think he started asking questions around 10 and I answered all of his questions honestly whenever they came up. Now, if you know my son you know that if there was ever a question it came out just as soon as it entered his mind.   Like his mother, he often doesn't keep his tongue in his pocket. When questions were asked, I sometimes kept the answers brief and to the point, or if I thought he could handle some elaboration, I would seize the moment and go a little further. Often times Nick would take questions to his dad, and although I didn't always agree with his style, I knew the message was the same, respect and responsibility were of the utmost importance ! All in all, Nick made it pretty easy for me because he was never afraid or embarassed to ask any questions. If I ever felt any anxiety around sitting him down to have "the talk"  he definitely let me off the hook. My son PJ may be a very different story, he's a totally different kid than Nick. Pj is more naive and a lot less curious than his brother was at 8. Naturally he sometimes thinks about where a baby comes from but he doesn't give it any more than a second thought.  I suspect my husband and I may have to broach the subject of sex with him before he broaches it with us. One thing is for sure, if he doesn't start asking questions before the traditional 5th grade health class, we will sit him down for "the talk". I do have some faith in the information provided by the school but I certainly want him to hear it from home first, we are his parents not them. I hope that he too will feel comfortable enough to ask any questions about sex or sexuality but I don't think I will get off so easy with this one.

(mother of two)

 This topic is a tough one.  Though I know it shouldn’t be, to me, having the “talk” with your child really involves many factors other than age, such as gender, maturity, and when the child begins asking questions.  (I’m not talking about the toddler who innocently asks where babies come from.)  My son didn’t reach puberty at the average age and didn’t ask questions early.  He may have been hearing things from his friends, and maybe some of the info from his health education class stuck in his head.  But even though I know my son better than that, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, for the argument's sake here.  I don’t think his Dad sat him down for “the talk” until I was pregnant with his sister, or maybe a bit earlier (they’re 12 years apart).  In the last couple of years, I can easily discuss any such topics with him, always hoping to keep all lines of communication open in case he ever feels he needs to come to me with any concerns about any subjects.

My seven (some days going on 21) year-old daughter however, I’m sure will be a different story.  Girls seem to reach maturity much earlier today than when I was a kid.  Besides, she has already asked some tough questions.  Does that mean I’ll have to sit her down early to discuss “the birds and the bees”?  I honestly don’t know.  I hope I’ll know when the time is right, and she is mature enough to handle the topic.  I personally don’t want to rely on health education class to be the first place she hears these things and especially not from her misinformed friends either.  I do hope that after the first couple of years of having that knowledge that I will be able to discuss any of these sensitive topics with her, as I can now with my son, so she too will feel she can come to me about anything.  Talking, which is an integral part of any communication process, should be honest, open and tactful.  It’s not like preparing a “speech” for an audience…the old adage of “coming from the heart” is especially important when dealing with a perceptive child.  You just hope that when the time comes that “voice” inside them will guide them down the right path.

, (mother of  two)

My son is 14 and my daughter is just 9. It was my husband who spoke to my son Christopher, around the age of 10, about the bids and the bees. My daughter, who is now 9, unfortunately understands more at this age than I certainly did when I was a child. With the many different technological outlets in today's society, it is difficult to keep a child innocent for long. Between the internet, movies, radio and television - including and many times especially the commercials - she was bound to begin asking questions about sex long before children of past generations have.  My daughter, however, is a very bright, intuitive girl. thankfully her curiosity brought her to me - her mother - rather than to her friends at school. I was able to teach her, and discuss with her, the aspects of love, sex, and babies at the approximate age of 6. She grasped the basic concept, which is all I wanted, and that seemed to satisfy her. I did not, nor would I ever - leave the teaching solely to the school system. I don't believe in the same type of values taught in school, and I certainly wouldn't want them teaching my daughter those values. Learning the Bible and attending a Bible believing church also helps my daughter to grasp the importance, and significance, of celibacy before marriage.  She understands that God wants us to live a pure and holy lifestyle, and she is aware of the consequences which can occur when we don't.