Moms Talk: Accommodating Others

Welcome to Woonsocket Patch's weekly opinion column, Moms Talk!

We invite you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Woonsocket.

Each week in Moms Talk, our "Moms Council" of smart local parents take your questions, give advice and share solutions. Share your opinions and tips in the comments below.

This week, our council addresses the topic of accommodating others in the classroom.

The Today Show aired a story last week about a 6 yr. old girl who lives in Edgewater, Florida who has a severe peanut allergy.  Her classmates cannot bring in any peanut snacks and they need to wash their hands twice a day.  Her classmate's parents are protesting the school because they feel their child's rights are being taken away as a result of the inconveniences the classroom suffers for this one child.  Some have actually pulled their children from school to force the principal to make a decision.  (Read more on this story here.)

How far should a classroom go to accommodate a child with special needs? Would you protest to have that child eliminated from your child's school?

(mother of two)

 My initial feeling on the subject was, why do we have to accommodate this one child? Are we supposed to become a peanut free world? When I first heard the story, my feelings were not unlike the parents down in Florida. I really felt, how dare this one family impose on the rest of the school community. But the more thought I gave it, I began to think what if this were my child, or the child of somebody I really cared about: Would my feelings change? The honest answer I came up with was, yes, my feelings would change. I don't think my child's right to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at lunch is more important than a child's health, even if it is just one child. I can't imagine how I would feel if I protested and won the right to have peanuts inside the school and something happened to that child. How could I ever live with myself? The answer to that is, I couldn't. I'm a big believer in doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do and in this case, I believe being peanut free and good hand-washing is the way to go.  At first, you may think, 'nobody ever died by not eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.'  However, a small percent of people will die if they eat any peanut product at all. So, there is my answer.  I stand on the side of keeping the peanuts out of the classroom.

, (mother of  two)

As far as accommodating a child in the classroom due to his or her illness, allergy, etc., it is not I who would have to accommodate, but my child. This can only be a learning experience for our children. Not only would we be teaching them to love and care about others, but we would be teaching them tolerance and patience as well. The classroom experience is their first taste of the world. How they deal with their classmates is how they will eventually deal with their co-workers and acquaintances later in life. Are we to teach them to protest situations which interfere with their own needs - making it all about them, rather than teaching tolerance and acceptance of other's needs, which in turn could only help them to become caring, understanding individuals? NO!  The parents who are protesting this situation are teaching their children all the wrong things.

(mother of two)

As a mother of two special needs children, I’ve spent many moments fighting for my children’s’ rights and will have many more of these moments still, I’m sure.

Their needs have nothing to do with allergies, but I don’t think a year has gone by during my son’s school years (he’s now 19) or even my daughters (she’s only seven), where there hasn’t been a child either in their classroom or at least their school, that has had severe food allergies.

To be honest, I’ve never thought twice about it until now.  Whether it’s been a child or an adult with an allergy, I’ve always tried to be accommodating.  I have a friend who is allergic to many perfumes, so if I know I’m going to be seeing her, then I don’t wear perfume that day.  When there is a child in school with an allergy, there is a separate designated table for the kids to eat peanut butter sandwiches.  I don’t know of any one of the kids ever objecting to that.  To me, it’s a case of common sense.

There are laws preventing discrimination of people with special needs / disabilities.  If any child with special needs, whether it be something like severe food allergies, or something such as a physical disability, that child most likely has an IEP (Individual Education Plan).  An IEP is a document that is suppose to put in place any accommodations a child with special needs requires.

If a hard of hearing child required another child to speak directly to them so they could read their lips, would there be any question of inconvenience?  Absolutely not.  That child has every right to a free and public education just the same as any other child.

As a parent of children with disabilities, I’ve had to ask not only schools, but friends, family, and even Church to make special accommodations when it comes to my kids.  For some people it hasn’t always been easy for them to accept these requests.  Was it an inconvenience to them?  Probably.

But, if we as adults, can not accept the differences of others and begin pulling our children out of school, what does that teach our children about tolerance, diversity, even inconveniences?  Our lives are full of inconveniences.  After awhile, if you do something that is inconvenient often enough, we then begin to accept it as normalcy.

Bottom line, yes each special needs case is as unique as the child.  So there are no cut and dry answers to cover every issue.  The end result is what’s most important. Is it for the greater good, or in the best interest of the child?

, (mother of three)

I bothers me beyond words that a parent would be so selfish as to ostracise a child simply because they have an allergy or disability. Unless the disability or allergy effects the curriculum being taught, that student has just as much a right to be in a regular education classroom as anyone else. Is it really so much to ask that kids not bring in peanut products and wash their hands? After all, it could potentially kill the child with the severe allergy. What in the world have we become as a society? Is it every man for himself now?  Teaching tolerance to children at a young age is important because in today's world they need to be able to understand, appreciate and work with others or they will surely be left behind in many areas.  Shame on the parent who wont allow their child to be inconvenienced a little by another child's disability. Let's just hope their children don't grow up and someday have disabled children themselves, because we all know what karma is! 

(mother of two)

Those protesting parents should be ashamed of themselves.  It was just last week we discussed how being bullied can leave a child with lifelong emotional scars.  In this situation, I would feel as if I was being attacked by a whole town of bullies. This girl does not pose any physical harm or threat to any student in her classroom.   It is not her fault that she suffers from this ailment and maybe for a moment these parents should ask themselves how they would feel if their child suffered the same fate.

This girl has every right to receive the same education as her classmates. Oh what a sin that your child has to leave their lunch outside or must wash their hands a few times a day, which isn't a bad thing to do anyway.  Life isn't perfect and these parents are teaching their children a terrible lesson. The world is full of injustices and ignorance so why not turn this negative situation into a positive learning experience of tolerance and compassion for those who are less fortunate.  The world would be a much better place if we all had been given those lessons in childhood.